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April 22, 2010 at 12:00 AM
i wonder why kaiba is soo obsessed with helping joey but at the same time so angry i can probably guess but this is a good and i want more!
schedule
April 20, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I felt so bad......:o( Kaiba is a mean ass drunk!! Hey he's not even legal yet! He's an ass treating Joey that way...but Joey is one too for taking those drugs with booze.
I felt so bad...but then i thought it could have been worse...he could have gone home and killed himself instead of going back to kiaba's...I think there is a message here...
I felt so bad...but then i thought it could have been worse...he could have gone home and killed himself instead of going back to kiaba's...I think there is a message here...
schedule
April 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I absolutely love this story!! Please update it soon!! I can't wait to read more! =D
schedule
April 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I love this story! It's really really good! I can't wait for the next chapter, please update it soon.
schedule
April 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
***screams in frustration****
It was just getting good!! It's 1:35am here and I'm still reading!!
Post soon!!
It was just getting good!! It's 1:35am here and I'm still reading!!
Post soon!!
schedule
March 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM
ooh, must have more...
too good
too good
schedule
March 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Nice cliffhanger on this one :)
schedule
March 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Gah! I hope Joey will be alright!
schedule
March 14, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh I love it! Jou's gang past always intrigued me. U hit it right on the head.
More, more pretty please
More, more pretty please
schedule
March 7, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh, the irony! Joey treats his body like a pill box, and now the doctors inject some more into him... I really liked the descriptions of the environment and realism of this chapter, especially the little details. :D
I'll thrown in a tiny piece of constructive criticism, starting with a quote, hoping the formatting worked, or else this is gonna look like hell:
"(...) Joey gave a great sigh. “I was in a fight and got punched in the face,”
“Okay,” the nurse said, a small smile on her lips as she wrote down the information on her form.
“How long ago did this happen?” the nurse continued.
“A little over a day ago,” Joey replied.
“Has it bled at all when it occurred or since it happened?” She asked professionally.
“Yea, it bled a lot when it happened and has been bleeding on and off ever since,” Joey replied.
“Alright,” she finished as she (...)"
In this specific dialogue, since you established she was a professional probing a patient, it's pretty clear who says what. That makes some of the 'she said...' 'he replied...' unnecessary. If you otook out some of these, it would make the text lighter, and we could focus more on the actual dialogue.
Other than that, it's pretty neat! I hope you are able to update soon, cause the fangirl in me is cravin' some J/K interaction!
Milly
I'll thrown in a tiny piece of constructive criticism, starting with a quote, hoping the formatting worked, or else this is gonna look like hell:
"(...) Joey gave a great sigh. “I was in a fight and got punched in the face,”
“Okay,” the nurse said, a small smile on her lips as she wrote down the information on her form.
“How long ago did this happen?” the nurse continued.
“A little over a day ago,” Joey replied.
“Has it bled at all when it occurred or since it happened?” She asked professionally.
“Yea, it bled a lot when it happened and has been bleeding on and off ever since,” Joey replied.
“Alright,” she finished as she (...)"
In this specific dialogue, since you established she was a professional probing a patient, it's pretty clear who says what. That makes some of the 'she said...' 'he replied...' unnecessary. If you otook out some of these, it would make the text lighter, and we could focus more on the actual dialogue.
Other than that, it's pretty neat! I hope you are able to update soon, cause the fangirl in me is cravin' some J/K interaction!
Milly