rate_review Reviews

It's a good start but there are some historical incorrection and some personality out of character-ness. They have already been stated by BloodANDChocolate but besides that. I think you should give more detail on what is happening. One thing that caught me off guard was how Yugi stated his age. I could be wrong, but people would mostly base their age on the seasons during the ancient civilization. Like fifteen summers passed or something. Again, I could be wrong.

thats great so far i hope you update soon or at least finish at some point unlike some of these people who get you hooked them vanish wait sorry i'm rambling lol update soon

Good start. Please continue.

its a good start but you must realize that its a common story line so to make your story stand out amongst the rest, it will have to have an unusual story line...

cool...Yugi definitely could have gotten worse, so he should be thankful for what he did get.

good start
i want more

I like your idea, but I think your chapter's too short. Egyptians don't believe in angels, by the way, you should compare him to some deity to make it more realistic. Yami's character is a little too...light. As far as I can tell, Atemu was a harsh though fair pharoah, he wouldn't think "oh I'm bored" you should just keep his feelings in narration. Yugi is also not very in character. He gave up too easily. You should extend Atemu's punishment for him by having them argue i.e. Yugi has to go back and take care of his grandpa, so Yami threatens Yugi to stay or else he'll bring harm to his grandpa. Good luck with it.