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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
While I understand humor is part of the intent, I think Kaiba acted kind of Out of Character in this. Kaiba isn't really the type to say "You're so fucking hot" to anyone. He's classier than that.
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April 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Humorous story, and good work for what it is (that being a short, entertaining one-shot). Congratulations on being one of the few slash writers I've seen to use dialogue at all, much less to such good effect, in a sex scene. The dialogue really makes this piece shine.
As a bit of constructive criticism, I found the scene very rushed, and lacking in detail. Obviously, I don't expect candlelit seduction from either this type of story or the setting, but I would have appreciated at least a bit more, in terms of feelings and thoughts during the action.
On the whole, though, good work. Keep it coming.
As a bit of constructive criticism, I found the scene very rushed, and lacking in detail. Obviously, I don't expect candlelit seduction from either this type of story or the setting, but I would have appreciated at least a bit more, in terms of feelings and thoughts during the action.
On the whole, though, good work. Keep it coming.
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March 31, 2009 at 12:00 AM
XD oh god hot AND hilarious! wow! this was a great end to my day. Thanks!