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April 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was... really sad. I'm kind of disappointed though. No matter how badly he screwed up, suicide just killed the story. Regardless, it was still very well written.
Keep up the good work!
~Angel
Keep up the good work!
~Angel
schedule
January 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Really? That seemed kinda anti-climatic.
Not like an ending at all.
If I may ramble my thoughts freely?
At the beginning you stated classic cliche's of ryou/bakura fandom, blah blah abuse, blah, forgiveness - without stating any actual things that happened to -your- characters making the fic extremely general-based. Which, we all know the general plot-lines so it's really what you do once you establish that sort of relationship.
What I was thinking at the end was... the lack of Ryou and the more so thought of Ryou. The whole 'he might not forgive me this time' is -purely- in Bakura's head. He's even the one who asks for forgiveness. He self-decides that since forgiveness is a dreaded thing between them that he finally over stepped a boundary- and it seemed he was just waiting to over-step it. Weather he did or didn't the reader will never know because Ryou never got to react to it. (Obviously initially he'd be upset, without saying) but it's BAKURA who decides on his own with little to no prompting other than a 'leave me alone right now' from Ryou, that 'it' has finally happened.
Also, gomen, but wouldn't Ryou notice Bakura was drinking prior to the bedroom incident? He was around him and Bakura was holding Ryou after drinking and his face would be close enough that if nothing else, wouldn't Ryou smell the alcohol on his breath. I liked the description of the near-rape, you really got across how uncomfortable the ordeal was for Ryou.
There wasn't enough information given for Bakura ending his life, if you have a mind set, and he did, that Ryou was actually worthless (besides nagging guilt of yaminess) then why would his next thought be, oh yes, I'll just get shot and solve everything. It didn't seem.... I don't think the story was set up for that ending. Plus, it could have been so much more emotional.
Anyway, yay to story! Keep writing!
Not like an ending at all.
If I may ramble my thoughts freely?
At the beginning you stated classic cliche's of ryou/bakura fandom, blah blah abuse, blah, forgiveness - without stating any actual things that happened to -your- characters making the fic extremely general-based. Which, we all know the general plot-lines so it's really what you do once you establish that sort of relationship.
What I was thinking at the end was... the lack of Ryou and the more so thought of Ryou. The whole 'he might not forgive me this time' is -purely- in Bakura's head. He's even the one who asks for forgiveness. He self-decides that since forgiveness is a dreaded thing between them that he finally over stepped a boundary- and it seemed he was just waiting to over-step it. Weather he did or didn't the reader will never know because Ryou never got to react to it. (Obviously initially he'd be upset, without saying) but it's BAKURA who decides on his own with little to no prompting other than a 'leave me alone right now' from Ryou, that 'it' has finally happened.
Also, gomen, but wouldn't Ryou notice Bakura was drinking prior to the bedroom incident? He was around him and Bakura was holding Ryou after drinking and his face would be close enough that if nothing else, wouldn't Ryou smell the alcohol on his breath. I liked the description of the near-rape, you really got across how uncomfortable the ordeal was for Ryou.
There wasn't enough information given for Bakura ending his life, if you have a mind set, and he did, that Ryou was actually worthless (besides nagging guilt of yaminess) then why would his next thought be, oh yes, I'll just get shot and solve everything. It didn't seem.... I don't think the story was set up for that ending. Plus, it could have been so much more emotional.
Anyway, yay to story! Keep writing!
schedule
January 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I loved this story.. Bakura was suppose to protect Ryou from being hurt and then because he was extremely drunk Bakura was going to take advantage of Ryou and he tried to rape him but when Ryou screamed at Bakura not to rape him it was like throwing cold water into Bakura's face and he realized what he was doing and as he left and walked away Bakura knew that as long as he was alive Ryou wouldn't ever be really safe. When he caused that Office to shoot him I started bawling like a baby because Bakura finally was able to make sure that he never hurt Ryou ever again. Great Story...