schedule
May 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
at some points you didn;t use the right tence*past present future*
but overall this was a really good fic
4.75/5
but overall this was a really good fic
4.75/5
schedule
March 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hmm... not bad, but it could use some work.
And the last bit there with the sex was a bit unrealistic: No lube, no prep, and no pain? Not likely.
Another interesting concept: your summary said 'oneshot' and this thing was five chapters...
But it was a good idea. You just need a little more practice. And a good beta reader.
Keep it up!
~Angel
And the last bit there with the sex was a bit unrealistic: No lube, no prep, and no pain? Not likely.
Another interesting concept: your summary said 'oneshot' and this thing was five chapters...
But it was a good idea. You just need a little more practice. And a good beta reader.
Keep it up!
~Angel
schedule
December 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
And?!? This is evil!
J-chan
J-chan
schedule
December 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'll have to agree w/ J Chan