rate_review Reviews

Yay! Jou and Seto are gonna get married!'
This is the end then and without any tragic death (ouf)
I'm looking forward for your other puppyshiping stories.

Overall, very nice story. You still have some revisions to make in order to call this piece complete, but most of it is thought out. It started off very strong with the idea of them forming a future relationship in the past, but along the way, you seemed to lose some of the plot. The antagonist, Bakura, became non-existent in the last quarter of the story to the point that I forgot his reason for targeting the Pharaoh. Another supposed antagonist was Teana, which I felt was both uncalled for (i.e. why was she a 'bitch' when she didn't do anything?) and irrelevant (i.e. her death). On a side note, it also left Namu's death as unnecessary (I liked his character, too, until he fell in love with Bakura-which doesn't bother me as long as it's relevant to the story line). The story was entirely too flat, in which I mean that there was no rising-fall action; there needed to be more climaxes. Don't be afraid to make enemies of the reader; not everything is *smooches* and *hearts* in a story. Also, while I love how you interlocked each character from the 'present' into the past (especially how you changed some of the lovers of the present from the past), you had a tendency to lose sight of the characters themselves. For example, it seemed like a character's motive clashed with something they previously said, or with the feeling they were meant to portray. Like Mokuto(?) and Shizura(?) seem like sweet children. So when Mokuto stresses to Jou that Seth may be using Jou as a replacement, why does he in later chapters encourage Jou and Seth to get together? And what do they have against Seto?...I believe if you fleshed out each character, then there would be no question as to what their intentions are. Don't get me wrong, though!...you had some really strong points in your chapters that made me keep reading until the end. You have a good vision, you just need to know what scenes are most relevant to the story and the direction of where you want it and the characters to go. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need me to elaborate. I really do love the story line and would love to see a more fleshed-out version of this! Thank you for sharing! ^-^

nice ending :)

Sqeeeeeee


Oh my GOD that was so amazing...I loved how you wrote out all the other lives and how hard it had been for them to be with each other, with each one a progression to this final time.

Thank you for one of the most amazing Yugioh stories that I have ever read

Beautiful ending.
It was a great story. I enjoyed reading it a lot.
I hope that you will write another puppyshipping story.
I really do like your stories.
Thank you.

errr... by the way this is the last chapter no?

awesome awesome awesome! great great chappie!

Aww..that was such a wonderful update...and so hot...

nice to see them back

that was sad chapter.
I'm glad that Jou returning