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July 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
you know...type o is the universal donor...actually, o- is the universal donor, and someone with type o- can give blood to anyone...also, blood types always have either a + or -. i just wanted to let u know...if seto is a+, he can get blood from anyone with o-, o+, a-, or a+ type blood and if he's a-, he can get blood from anyone with o- or a- type blood. there, now you don't need to take biology class!!! j/k. well...update soon please!!!
ASOTA
ASOTA
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June 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You have an interesting concept, but you really need to work on a few things.
First would be your characterization. You write several of the characters painfully, well, out of character. I realize many authors do this, but no matter how fantastic the story, it still doesn't work.
You also need to find yourself a beta-reader, and work on your spelling and grammar. It's very hard to glean any enjoyment out of a story when all I can see is spelling mistakes and grammar problems. Aside from you working on this yourself, a beta-reader can help you catch any other mistakes.
Another pet peeve is Author's Notes inside the story itself. Saying "Like the song!" was unnecessary in the middle of your story. It kills it for me, and I'm sure a few others as well.
Keep up the good work! You have fantastic ideas, from what I can tell, and with just a little work, you could be a fantastic author. Good luck!
First would be your characterization. You write several of the characters painfully, well, out of character. I realize many authors do this, but no matter how fantastic the story, it still doesn't work.
You also need to find yourself a beta-reader, and work on your spelling and grammar. It's very hard to glean any enjoyment out of a story when all I can see is spelling mistakes and grammar problems. Aside from you working on this yourself, a beta-reader can help you catch any other mistakes.
Another pet peeve is Author's Notes inside the story itself. Saying "Like the song!" was unnecessary in the middle of your story. It kills it for me, and I'm sure a few others as well.
Keep up the good work! You have fantastic ideas, from what I can tell, and with just a little work, you could be a fantastic author. Good luck!
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June 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter. Poor Seto, I hope he will be okay. It will be easier to get the blood from Honda while he's out. Too bad I'm not there I have type A too. I hope you get into Art school.
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June 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I am really liking the way the story is going but I'm confused with the way it's being told. Are you in third person or are you telling the story through Jou's or Kaiba's point of view? Please either be consistent and stick to one POV or at least mark where POV and give the reader a chance to readjust to the perspective of the character.
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May 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Cute chapter. I guess they will be getting back together.
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May 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
you beter continou this!!! GAAHH that last part was so cruel! and yet i felt like Go Jou but still in need of a somewhat happy ending!!!! EEKKK looking forwards to the next chap!!!!
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May 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter. Poor Jou and Seto. I hope something changes for them soon.
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May 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter. Glad you got your internet back. I really like the story.
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April 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I liked the story a lot. I can't wait until they meet again.
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April 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
well not bad for the first chapter.I can't give opinons with the first chapter so I save it for youre next chapter