schedule
October 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 1!
I really like how this is going so far! ;-;; You make me want to know more about the suffering of both Ryou and Bakura and I really like your writiing in general!
However, you had alot of weird spacing. A story is very hard to read when the spacing isn't right, I think. (All paragraphs double spaced). I know I have looked at stories with bad spacing and not read them before. ;X Maybe it's just me and I'm weird like that (which is possible) but I don't know; something for you to consider!
Also, some of the sentences were a little weird and choppy to me, but overall, I really liked it and I think it has alot of potential~, so much in fact, I am sitting awake at 5 am when I should be sleepig and not reading your story! ;D
Either way, I must go read ch. 2 again so I can review you more~!
I really like how this is going so far! ;-;; You make me want to know more about the suffering of both Ryou and Bakura and I really like your writiing in general!
However, you had alot of weird spacing. A story is very hard to read when the spacing isn't right, I think. (All paragraphs double spaced). I know I have looked at stories with bad spacing and not read them before. ;X Maybe it's just me and I'm weird like that (which is possible) but I don't know; something for you to consider!
Also, some of the sentences were a little weird and choppy to me, but overall, I really liked it and I think it has alot of potential~, so much in fact, I am sitting awake at 5 am when I should be sleepig and not reading your story! ;D
Either way, I must go read ch. 2 again so I can review you more~!
schedule
October 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Noo. ;-;;; Why does Bakura beat Ryou?! That always makes me so sad, esp. when Bakura has no reasoning. I want to know why Ryou is so dead and lifeless. ;-;; He is being kissed by Bakura and does nothing and that is just...
;___:!!!
He should be happyyy. Bakura is gorgeous-who wouldn't be thrilled to be kissed by him?! Yucky, and Bakura forcing meat down Ryou's lovely throat? Bakura is just being a jerk. D< But I wish Ryou would get betterrr so better things could happen between them.
I really don't like the 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' borders you use. They are really distracting and I look at them before the story and I can't help but feel like those are a mistake. I think it would look so much better if you used something simpler like a '-' or something. Also, there were kinda alot of spelling mistakes, especially tense mistakes!
Otherwise, I really like your writing still and I think so much could be made of this story. I am still waiting for more and can't wait for you to update! -heartheart-
Yikes, 60 hours a week is a lot of work time! ;-;; What did you do to have to work that much, I wonder! I hope you found a job with easier hours. xD 60 hours sounds like a nightmare.
Update soon~!
;___:!!!
He should be happyyy. Bakura is gorgeous-who wouldn't be thrilled to be kissed by him?! Yucky, and Bakura forcing meat down Ryou's lovely throat? Bakura is just being a jerk. D< But I wish Ryou would get betterrr so better things could happen between them.
I really don't like the 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' borders you use. They are really distracting and I look at them before the story and I can't help but feel like those are a mistake. I think it would look so much better if you used something simpler like a '-' or something. Also, there were kinda alot of spelling mistakes, especially tense mistakes!
Otherwise, I really like your writing still and I think so much could be made of this story. I am still waiting for more and can't wait for you to update! -heartheart-
Yikes, 60 hours a week is a lot of work time! ;-;; What did you do to have to work that much, I wonder! I hope you found a job with easier hours. xD 60 hours sounds like a nightmare.
Update soon~!
schedule
October 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Yay an update! A great one too. LOL Bakura made him eat raw meat:) Nasty but somehow cute O__o
schedule
October 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OMG this is reallly good. can't you write another chap? pleeeease???
schedule
May 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Love this and all of the fics you have posted up here (yeah I'm lazy, only reveiwing here) next time you add to any of them do you think you could email me with the web address to let me know? My email is PotionsPet@tidni.com
schedule
March 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oooooh... I like this! You paint a very vivid picture of the horrors and confusion of war, of Bakura's callous attitude toward everything - including his own kind, and the helplessness that weighs heavily in the heart of the angel, Ryou. Love these two together! And, I'm really digging your story! Keep up the good work!