rate_review Reviews

Regardless of the different reviews, Maggie had a point. The spelling is really bad and very very rushed. There are spell checkers online that you can dump your entire chapters into and they will spell check it for you. So being bad at spelling isn't an excuse. Just shows laziness.


If you ever do decide to come back to finishing this, slow it down, think about your scenes. What do you want to portray? What emotion do you want the reader to think of? And re-read your chapter...a few times. Once sometimes just isn't enough. Sometimes 2-3 times is good.

yup!!!!!! first chappie and i like where this is going!!!!!!!!!! oh dammit!!!!! i'm stuck with a song!!!! : i'm a bitch, i'm a lover, i'm a child, i'm a mother, i'm a sinner, i'm a saint...and i do not feel ashamed. (rocks with the music) so good!!!!!!! thanks to my best friend tails!!!! (nothing rasistic!!!! it's just a ropleplay name we stole from the sonic x series!!!! i'm shadow!!!!) i love her!!!! (not in that way!!!!) owkay. i may be bi but not my best friend!!!! yeaaa...that's enough private stuff.... love this story!!!!

2nd: (blinkblink) is it just me or did you do a mini-lemon of puzzleshipping? i looooove puzzleshipping!!!!! uhm...i mean... oh well! i love all the stories yami/hikari and of course puppyshipping!!!

3rd: (grtowls at anzu) touch one o them and you're dead. you understand!!!!! and it won't be a short and unpainfull death. (laughs wickedly) maybe i'll make a story of it. yea... (evil smirk) i love this chapter!!! and oh dear if anzu does anything 'bout seto or joey!!!! i'm questioning myself 'bout the story but if she does...(wicked, wolf-like grin)

4th: (laughs evilly) that'll learn her!!!! ewwwww honda/anzu...gross!!!!!! poor honda!!!!! errr...yea. that's what i meant... love this chap!!!! wander what she's gonna do next cause i'm still thinking about it!!!!

5th: owkay now it's for sure!!! i'm so gonna make tha' story!!!!! love this!!! btw i don't mean to be mean but you really have to look after your spelling. i know it is hard as iself come from belgium but it's really not good. maybe you should ask a beta-reader? anyways. as long as i understand it it's ok. i love this story and i dunno what i should do without it. just...keep things up!!!!!

Great story what happened to the kids and did the spell work on Seto Please update soon.

Your story isn't bad, but you habitually spell things wrong. I'd suggest getting a beta reader or even just using spell check. It would be much easier to read if the spelling was corrected.

*hearts new writer* Welcome to the fantastic, frustrating and fun world of fanfic writing. Harder than you thought isn't it? LOL... I am enjoying your story, but I have a few suggestions. First and foremost SLOW DOWN...it's not a race to be won. Give your characters some emotion, depth and detail. It may take longer, but it will definitely add to your story. Second, SPELLING COUNTS. I am far from perfect on this...but I can honestly say that I would enjoy your story a lot more if I didn't have to constantly deal with the spelling issues. Thirdly, research your issues. Anzu may have accused Jou, but any lover worth the title would have insisted on proof before accepting her word. There is the when, where, and how questions, not to mention the blood tests and genetic tests that the legal system would have insisted on in a paternity case.

Also, if Jou had been raped like that...he would have a whole host of issues to deal with...STD's, internal injury, infection etc. Also rape scars more than just physically, and incestuous mental and emotional rape scars worse. You treated a very serious issue very cavalierly. I know you wanted to get on with the romance stuff, but reality doesn't work that way and it just didn't jive.

You mentioned school...eh...I hope you are at least a senior in high school, because then you might be legal for this site. If you are younger than that...it would explain some inconsistancies in your spelling, grammar and...storyline.

I know you might take this as a flame, but it's not. REALLY NOT...consider it constructive criticism from a fellow author...who has been toasted a few times.
I just offered suggestions from my own experience. *Chuckles* not that I am perfect...far from it. Just a case of been there...done that.

Please continue the story...I look forward to more.

Maggiemay

i loved it all. i was wondering if you were going to do a sequel or not? keep up the great work. -^^-