schedule
September 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Since you asked for comments, I'll be honest with you.
Your writing shows potential, but it needs to be beta-read. A spellchecker doesn't always pick up on every mistake. Your form is good and you have real descriptive talent. You just need to spend a little more time editing and polishing your stories (Don't we all!).
Your original character has some Mary Sueish tendancies, but they're not so obvious that they ruin the story. Believe me, I know how hard it is to stop an OC turning into a Mary Sue!
Overall though, nice job. There are one or two things you can work on if you want to improve your writing (Sueishness, grammar etc,), but don't get discouraged. I only ever bother to review when I think a writer has real potential.
I hope you don't take this as a flame. It's not. You asked for real reviews, so you got one. I hope it's helpful.
Your writing shows potential, but it needs to be beta-read. A spellchecker doesn't always pick up on every mistake. Your form is good and you have real descriptive talent. You just need to spend a little more time editing and polishing your stories (Don't we all!).
Your original character has some Mary Sueish tendancies, but they're not so obvious that they ruin the story. Believe me, I know how hard it is to stop an OC turning into a Mary Sue!
Overall though, nice job. There are one or two things you can work on if you want to improve your writing (Sueishness, grammar etc,), but don't get discouraged. I only ever bother to review when I think a writer has real potential.
I hope you don't take this as a flame. It's not. You asked for real reviews, so you got one. I hope it's helpful.
schedule
September 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I LOVED IT...I read it last night and I just got done reading it...Thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much...It was awesome...Yes, i do enjoy both Yami and Seto...They both rock...*dreamy stare* Yami in leather pants...Seto with his bruising kisses...Oh yeah...I love a rough Seto...Nice smoothing touches by Yami...Oh yeah....Sorry...I'm done...Thanks again....I LOVED IT....
DreamPrincess
*Yami & Seto*
DreamPrincess
*Yami & Seto*
schedule
September 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
xD that was hot! i gotta think of how i'm gonna write my threesome lemon now OO;;;. if i don't i'm dead. but yours was really good so it gave me some great ideas! XD! ^^
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September 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Not bad... although you tend to repeat words like 'gently' waaay too much. And also, the word is 'minstrations' -- using the wrong word there gave me at least a gross mental image, you may want to change that. ~LG
schedule
September 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
IceAngel...Thank you soooooooooooooo much...I am about to read it, but I already know I'll love it, so, I thought I'd review it already....Thanks again...I started reading it already and it sounds great, but as I said, I know I'm gonna love it....Don't be surprised if you see like 1000 of reviews from me for this....Thanks again...For the record, Sephira is owned by me...IceAngel wanted to borrow her for this....Thanks again...This has been a great birthday....
DreamPrincess
DreamPrincess