rate_review Reviews

Great story. I thought maybe you went into it quicker than expected (i was expecting some chocolate teasing) but heh..full fast sex is just as good. Writen really well. Of course you know how to write these things! You silly fool! It was great. You should write more chocolate infused stories..melikes.

0.o can I have some more chocolate, please?

If you're looking for serious criticism: Too fast. Slow the Hell down, everything just came one right after the other, right after the other, and apart from making it a little less enjoyable to read, it gave the sense that you weren't having fun either, like you wanted to get the story over with. You should always consider what seems right to you when you're writing, but look at things realistically as well, Ryou fainting after they'd had sex was a little weird, especially since the story definitely seemed to suggest if wasn't their first time. Overall, it wasn't bad, you've got a good basis, but when you finish writing go back and try to see if it flows well. Also, throwing things like 'tenshi' in, especially if they're only used once, is both random and superfluous.

Aww....Ryou x bakura are so cute!!! Very well written. Your style is awesome. Keep on writing!