schedule
September 9, 2012 at 12:00 AM
What......! What happen to the rest? It been a while since you update please don't end like this.... i wanT to know what happen? Please continue the story....
schedule
July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
that was hot and seto nose he likes jou and joun likes seto keep up da good work and can't wait for the next one
schedule
July 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I love it! Update as soon as possible! I'm dying to see what happens!
schedule
October 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love your stories they are now all in my favs list on my home page so please add more i love this pairing. keep writing yay
schedule
August 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hi Darknova!
That was a great story! Now, I don't know anything about Yu-Gi-Oh, but I LOVED the Egyptian setting, and the risks associated with "Seth" and "Jono" being caught. And the encounter itself was very hot indeed. Also, that was a nice "twist" at the end - both guys having the same wet dreams...heh, heh. Overall, great first chapter - a great "base" to build on if you decide to do any more chapters...
I can't really offer you much in the way of criticism...just maybe a few ideas you MIGHT have liked to have used IF you wanted to make this first chapter a lot longer:
1) Maybe you could have made the beginning (Jono sneaking into the palace) more "suspensful" - like maybe he very nearly gets caught a few times, and only escapes detection by the skin of his teeth. And maybe you could have added a few funny moments in here too.
2) The sex was excellent, though it could have been longer (but that's just me - I just usually write long sex scenes).
3) Maybe "Seth" and "Jono" could have almost got caught out while they were actually having sex (another opportunity to add some humour and/or suspense ot the story).
But yeah, like I said, you couldn't really do any of these things without greatly increasing the length of the first chapter. And there's not much point in doing that :-P
So overall, GREAT WORK! I'll definitely read some more of your other stuff as well, now.
Richard :-)
That was a great story! Now, I don't know anything about Yu-Gi-Oh, but I LOVED the Egyptian setting, and the risks associated with "Seth" and "Jono" being caught. And the encounter itself was very hot indeed. Also, that was a nice "twist" at the end - both guys having the same wet dreams...heh, heh. Overall, great first chapter - a great "base" to build on if you decide to do any more chapters...
I can't really offer you much in the way of criticism...just maybe a few ideas you MIGHT have liked to have used IF you wanted to make this first chapter a lot longer:
1) Maybe you could have made the beginning (Jono sneaking into the palace) more "suspensful" - like maybe he very nearly gets caught a few times, and only escapes detection by the skin of his teeth. And maybe you could have added a few funny moments in here too.
2) The sex was excellent, though it could have been longer (but that's just me - I just usually write long sex scenes).
3) Maybe "Seth" and "Jono" could have almost got caught out while they were actually having sex (another opportunity to add some humour and/or suspense ot the story).
But yeah, like I said, you couldn't really do any of these things without greatly increasing the length of the first chapter. And there's not much point in doing that :-P
So overall, GREAT WORK! I'll definitely read some more of your other stuff as well, now.
Richard :-)
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i love this story please continue
schedule
April 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
more plz...plz update soon.....^_^
schedule
January 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Eeee! Yummy! Yummy! I really like where this story is going! Can't wait for te next chapter!!
schedule
January 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Im not a big Joey and Kaiba fan but this seems to have lots of potential. :)
schedule
January 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Excellent first chapter; please post more soon!