rate_review Reviews

I love such sweetness you wright,
why is that nimpho mim still here,
she's a good author but she's a perve
at times. Any way I love your sweet stories.

Your stories are like cat-nip to Yamimi, you simply must wright more pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssseee!

I'd say bad. I don't mean this to offend you, just as constuctive criticism. You need to watch ending words with 'ed' and 'ing,' and you switched tenses a couple times. Going back and proofreading before posting is a good way to avoid this. If you're still having trouble writing it correctly or if you have a question about how something should be phrased, saying it aloud can also be helpful. The lemon was quite short; it takes time to reach a climax, and foreplay is important. Also, having a guy fuck a guy without preparation is possible, but the guy being fucked will tear, bleed all over the place, and the pain will probably outstip the pleasure. Preparation doesn't fully take any of this away but it makes it much better. To prepare you can use anything from saliva, semen, or the obvious lube. Also, to make something interesting it can be good to pick something to focus on, like the lemon, Yugi's or Yami's stuggle with their feelings, or what comes while their together, be it fear or a feeling of posession. I'm not saying it's horrible (I don't review stories I think are horrible or hopeless), just that it (and you grammar) need work. Keep writing and posting, you get better with practice.

That's a story alright

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Some one got some sexual healing! WHy do I find that cute? Oh well, I just do........I like this one too. Yamimi likes your writing Sarah Costa

good first try...I'll look for more from ya.

There are quite a few grammatical errors (such as words in the wrong verb-tense and words being used out of proper context). It's also VERY short, too short for most people. The sex felt pretty vague in the description area, also.

(This isn't a flame!!! Just something to help, you know?)

Not bad...a little short on the lemon but good try...don't give up. Ja ne.