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schedule
May 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Nice intro, is there going to be anymore?
D/2
D/2
schedule
August 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Update soon Plz!!!!!!
schedule
November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is a really good story and I hope very much that you update soon. It would be sad if you didn't finish it.
schedule
September 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I have read this chapter so many times hoping you will up date soon. I am still waiting, and also i want you to know that i like this story. I would like to know what happen to yugi, and how you are going to end this story.
schedule
August 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yugi please be ok
schedule
August 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ooh, spiffy! Very nice start here. Your dialogue is quite nice. You're a little careless at times about proofreading, it seems ("...the village in the woods that had *reminded* almost completely unchanged..." for instance), but it isn't too bad. Your only major technical problem seems to be ignorance about a rule of quoting -- when a quote is followed by a phrase like "he said," "explained she," or "he asked," you use a comma at the end of the quote instead of a period (although if it's a question mark or an exclamation point at the end of the quote, that punctuation can still be used). A really, really stupid example:
Yugi said, "This looks fun." He blinked. "What are you doing?" he asked. "It looks odd," he added, "but then, what do I know?"
That was complete babbling, of course, and I would be horrified if you used so many descriptions of what he was doing in the middle like that, but it contained some examples of the proper way to do it. I hope that helps.
Back to your story, though -- it's well-written except for that, and is very appealing. I hope you decide to write more of it! I'm curious what you'd been planning to do next.
Yugi said, "This looks fun." He blinked. "What are you doing?" he asked. "It looks odd," he added, "but then, what do I know?"
That was complete babbling, of course, and I would be horrified if you used so many descriptions of what he was doing in the middle like that, but it contained some examples of the proper way to do it. I hope that helps.
Back to your story, though -- it's well-written except for that, and is very appealing. I hope you decide to write more of it! I'm curious what you'd been planning to do next.
schedule
March 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Update! Update! Update! Update! THis story seems really good from the first chapter and I wanna read more! Please update soon.
schedule
February 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
correct me if I§m wrong, but I think that you have this posted on ff.net...either way, I like it^_^ update soon!^^
schedule
October 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
nice, very nice.....has a kind of sadist twist to it.....lovely indeed....keep going....
schedule
September 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I read the other one before, i like them both but please update.
You wrote the other one and did not continue with the story, Please do with this story.
WRITE MORE. good story but write more...
You wrote the other one and did not continue with the story, Please do with this story.
WRITE MORE. good story but write more...