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November 5, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Add the other Chapter please
schedule
November 5, 2004 at 12:00 AM
More chapters please I want to read what happens ueliuelist kingdom.
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November 5, 2004 at 12:00 AM
More Chapters More Chapters. Please add more.
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October 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Sweet!!!!!
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October 19, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Wicked!!!
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September 18, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Urg.... Here's a HUGE tip for you, break up those huge blocks of text... It makes it VERY hard to read decently when there's a large block of text. Try making a new paragraph every 4 to 5 sentences to get rid of them.
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September 13, 2004 at 12:00 AM
From what I could tell, this story has potential, but I'll offer you some advice along with my thoughts.
For starters, for this style of story, I wouldn't suggest using script format. Serious stories usually go with normal quotation format simply because it makes it easier to draw the reader in with descriptions of how the words were said and what actions accompanied them. If you ARE planning on using script format when the characters speak, PLEASE at least double-space between lines.
Also, first-person is perfectly fine for choice of narrative, but it would probably be a lot more effective if you switched point of view once every CHAPTER, as opposed to random changes with breaks in the narrative for script-style typing.
Paragraphs would be helpful in the narratives, so that the thoughts of the speaker aren't condensed into one big block of text, which is cumbersome to read, but instead organized more like a list of thoughts and topics, with a new paragraph for each new thought or topic.
As for the content, your plotline seems good so far and I like the characterization you've chosen for each of the characters. Keep up the great work, and consider some of the changes suggested above. But hey, it's your story. hat hat you want.
~Red Five~
For starters, for this style of story, I wouldn't suggest using script format. Serious stories usually go with normal quotation format simply because it makes it easier to draw the reader in with descriptions of how the words were said and what actions accompanied them. If you ARE planning on using script format when the characters speak, PLEASE at least double-space between lines.
Also, first-person is perfectly fine for choice of narrative, but it would probably be a lot more effective if you switched point of view once every CHAPTER, as opposed to random changes with breaks in the narrative for script-style typing.
Paragraphs would be helpful in the narratives, so that the thoughts of the speaker aren't condensed into one big block of text, which is cumbersome to read, but instead organized more like a list of thoughts and topics, with a new paragraph for each new thought or topic.
As for the content, your plotline seems good so far and I like the characterization you've chosen for each of the characters. Keep up the great work, and consider some of the changes suggested above. But hey, it's your story. hat hat you want.
~Red Five~
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September 13, 2004 at 12:00 AM
It is sad how things happan to Seto. Yami is trying to help will he save Seto?
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April 11, 0000 at 12:00 AM
I would like to see the chapters coz I love this story.