rate_review Reviews

Overall, I think you have a good grasp of storytelling, it was cute and made me smile, but I think some editing would do you a world of good. Like in the last chapter you mention Otogi out of nowhere when I think you meant Seto. There are also some punctuation errors and some homophone confusion, but it's still readable. I would like a little more detail in parts though. If 'master' is one of Seto's kinks, I'd recommend playing with it a bit more. Definate kudos for the unusual pairting though. :)

Nice story!

Great story. Increadibly sad and dramatic but i still loved it.
I only have two flaws.. firstly this: "Ryou positioned himself on his hands and knees as Otogi reached over and slipped a finger inside..." Umm..OMGWTF?!?!? 0.o Yes.. maybe an edit is in order XD
Also.. i thought the "first" lemon (as in the last chapter) couldve been more 'making love' and less 'master-servent-fucking' but eh, dont get me wrong it was still mighty good but Ryou did say he wanted Seto to "make love to him". Im sure they both still enjoyed it *snicker*

Thats it. Lovely. Poor Joey though.. he has nobody now *pouters* lol.

It took me three days to read this story but I finally finished! :gonk: The whole time I was reading this, as I often do with FanFictions, I felt like my heart was being ripped apart. It was like I was Seto and I was Ryou and I was Joey. But that almost always happens unless I'm reading my own story. I love this, I really do. And I was so pissed off whenever I got interupted or my eyes just couldn't take reading anymore. But yeah, this story is really great. At first I looked at this story and when I found out it had fourteen chapters I told myself 'no way in hell am I reading a story that long!!' Of course, I've seen worse and they weren't even good stories. But this one was worth reading, trust me. I started reading it when I was in my 'Seto Kaiba/stupid blond' mood, actually. Eh... But that's a bit off the subject. Anyways, it was really really good and I loved it so much, I'm sad it's over. ^ ^;

you are so EVIL! {cries} please,please please write more it's so kawaii! {pouts} although ..... poor puupy! jou-jou not get ry-ry! oh well more for seto! {giggles} i like ryou and seto pairings! please continue......


Setosprincess!^_^

i am sorry the FF.net kick you off. There are doing that a lot now. Pleace write more, i read this last night and finish it this after noon, you have to write more... good luck with your writing!