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April 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter! Glad to see Yugi and Yami talking and working things out, and damn, that dream was freaky. Yami's brother is scary too, he's sounds like an ass, making his wife worry like that, and trying to hurt his brother, even if he doesn't like the way Yami's living. *sigh* Hope he fucks off sometime soon. Anyway, can't wait for the next update! ^.^
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March 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Im confused.......
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March 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Poor Yugi!!! But thankfully Yami is back..though I want to know what happened to him!! Please update soon!!
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March 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good chapter!! The twist was unexpected and interesting! Update soon!
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March 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ah, you're making me blush! Reviewing is just my way of paying off my debt to the fandom... I can't write (well, my MST series has some fans, I suppose, but...), I can't draw, I can't really contribute in any way, so the least I can do is try to encourage and support those who DO build up the fandom I so enjoy. Besides, it's rather self-serving on my part to help people improve, ne?
I like what you did with the sex toys stuff in this chapter. It clearly wasn't what you'd been setting up from the beginning, like you said, but it covered enough that someone reading the story from start-to-finish when you're done won't be left crying, "Yes, but what of it?" That's all I really wanted you to avoid, since it would ruin the fic for them, and you did that just fine without sacrificing what you'd built up so far in terms of mood and so forth -- I want to say "tensions," but I'm afraid you'll take that the wrong way. What I'm trying to say is that you've carefully worked Yami and Yugi up to a certain point in their relationship, and it would be a huge detour to delve into Yugi's past like that, and you'd almost certainly be unable to get back to where you are now if you followed it. So I fully support how you decided to handle it; that was really great. ("Parent's fault," though... interesting. I'd always figured it to be an early rough customer, or something like that.)
In general... nice interactions between Yami and Yugi. I especially liked the middle section... it was so completely in-character for both of them. "You sound just like you’re trying to satisfy everyone else and not yourself" -- yes, isn't that Yugi in a nutshell? And Yami seems to me like one of the few people who would actually call him on it and tell him to stop, to the extent of outright refusing Yugi's kindness like he did. His friends might just accept it as due course, but as Yugi's boyfriend (or soulmate, in the series), it falls to Yami to make the kid stop being so self-effacing -- at least with him. Of course, Yugi is Yugi, and to make him stop being at least somewhat selfless would be to completely rob him of his innate essence and what makes him such a fantastic, wonderful, desirable human being... but he should get to have a more comfortable relationship than THAT with Yami. Yugi needs to learn to take a little more freely, and it's good that Yami realizes that. ^_^
I don't really have any negative comments to make about this chapter, so I suppose I'll just leave it with, "Nice going, and I look forward to more!" (Finally, Yami/Yugi hentai-ness -- I'm such a perv! It should be really fascinating, though. I'm curious to see how you handle it.)
I like what you did with the sex toys stuff in this chapter. It clearly wasn't what you'd been setting up from the beginning, like you said, but it covered enough that someone reading the story from start-to-finish when you're done won't be left crying, "Yes, but what of it?" That's all I really wanted you to avoid, since it would ruin the fic for them, and you did that just fine without sacrificing what you'd built up so far in terms of mood and so forth -- I want to say "tensions," but I'm afraid you'll take that the wrong way. What I'm trying to say is that you've carefully worked Yami and Yugi up to a certain point in their relationship, and it would be a huge detour to delve into Yugi's past like that, and you'd almost certainly be unable to get back to where you are now if you followed it. So I fully support how you decided to handle it; that was really great. ("Parent's fault," though... interesting. I'd always figured it to be an early rough customer, or something like that.)
In general... nice interactions between Yami and Yugi. I especially liked the middle section... it was so completely in-character for both of them. "You sound just like you’re trying to satisfy everyone else and not yourself" -- yes, isn't that Yugi in a nutshell? And Yami seems to me like one of the few people who would actually call him on it and tell him to stop, to the extent of outright refusing Yugi's kindness like he did. His friends might just accept it as due course, but as Yugi's boyfriend (or soulmate, in the series), it falls to Yami to make the kid stop being so self-effacing -- at least with him. Of course, Yugi is Yugi, and to make him stop being at least somewhat selfless would be to completely rob him of his innate essence and what makes him such a fantastic, wonderful, desirable human being... but he should get to have a more comfortable relationship than THAT with Yami. Yugi needs to learn to take a little more freely, and it's good that Yami realizes that. ^_^
I don't really have any negative comments to make about this chapter, so I suppose I'll just leave it with, "Nice going, and I look forward to more!" (Finally, Yami/Yugi hentai-ness -- I'm such a perv! It should be really fascinating, though. I'm curious to see how you handle it.)
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March 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yosh! i finally get to review!! i would've done so earlier but i like to review on the newest chapter or at the end of a fic, especially if i'm way behind in reading it. I heart this fic. plain and simple. it's a very different take on the standard yami/yugi fic and it works very well. I'll admit that at the beginning yugi being a prostitute and yami just being icky kinda bothered me. i was thinking 'woahh this isn't gonna turn out cheery'. quite technically, it didn't turn out cheery, but it did turn out quite realistic. i feel like yugi and yami could actually be real ppl instead of just anime characters. and you haven't slumped any on the development of side characters either. malik and marik's relationship is well established as is bakura and ryou's. i thought it was interesting how you gave bakura the mental disorder to explain why he was so angry/abusive. that tends to be something that alot of author's don't account for. they just figure 'i like this couple, so no matter what it'll work' and don't take the time to account for any character flaws or conflict that would inevitably pop up. so a definate kudo's specifically for that part. ^_^ ah! i also like the addition of duke and serenity in this fic. duke seems like a real guy for once, unsure of himself and what he wants. even in the series he tends to get looked over and he's not very well developed. not to mention he did add another layer of conflict. and i do like a little bit of coincidence once in a while so when serenity just happened to be duke's girlfriend i didn't mind a bit. same thing with isis being malik's brother and living in yugi's hometown. since that sort of thing has actually happened to me in real life(met a person then found out i kne there sibling, or blah blah blah) it very much works. i just really feel that this fic is one of your best. i've only read two others so far but i can see a marginal difference, in a good way, between them. your spelling, though never too bad, has improved as well as some spots where you have had trouble with grammar. it shows a lot of growth for you as an author. really i wanna bake you a cake that says 'awesome job! there's 100 dollars in here' or something like that, but i'm gonna settle for some fanart. keep up the good work and i am anticipating the next chapter, but being an author myself i know how real life interferes. take it easy.
OsaP ^@^
OsaP ^@^
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March 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This was a very good chapter, a lot of personal growth hit on and issues talked about. Such as Yugi's need to heal and distance himself from sex for awhile after coming out of that. Great job. But what about their apartment? I mean is Yami going to be paying for everything from his job or is his father still covering some of the bills/all of the bills? Anyways, please update again soon!!
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March 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Another lovely chapter. I like that you pointed out how Yugi's having problems adjusting to his new life style, and that Yami's being patient enough to wait for him, and intelligent enough to know when it's just Yugi wanting to make everyone but himself happy. Really well done.
DracOnyx
DracOnyx
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February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It was a very sweet fluffy chapter! I enjoyed it!! Can't wait for another update!
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February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is a really surprisingly good fanfic! I was muchly impressed. Despite the fact that I could easily write something as long as a chapter or two nitpicking the grammar, spelling, formatting, and descriptions ("Chapter 19: Shadows of people standing next to each other wouldn't be perpendicular! The light source is the same regardless of which way they're facing..."), I still find I adore the thing. That's amazing for me. Usually with those kind of constant mistakes, I loathe the fic after two chapters and can't even keep reading. For some reason, though, I barely minded at all.
I remember once, years ago, one of my friends claimed she was going to be a record-setter and write the first lemon fanfic with plot ever. I don't think she ever succeeded -- at least not with her original idea for such a fic. Seems like you had no problem with that, though! And I really admire that you had no problem having no hentai in the past ten chapters. That's really cool. It's not that I don't like the smutty stuff, too -- if I didn't, I sure wouldn't be here, now would I? -- but if a fic isn't PWP, then I think it's a failing if it has to have porn in EVERY chapter. That you were willing to step back and let the story go where it wanted to go... I really admire that.
Another thing I admire is the characterizations you made. So often, when Yugi is cast as a prostitute, he's perfectly happy being like that. Then Yami comes along, they fall in love, and Yami convinces Yugi that being a prostitute is morally wrong and that there are better ways to live. That is, Yugi's living his life immorally, and Yami comes along and is his spiritual savior. That's completely opposite from how it is in the show. There, Yami is the physical protector, and Yugi is the spiritual savior. This fic keeps that most important part of their relationship from the series intact. My favorite example of this is the scene early on at the carnival. Yami wanted to beat up that customer for having hurt Yugi, but Yugi stops him because that just isn't the right thing to do. I really liked that. I think that's probably what I like best about this fic -- the relationship to the series is so much deeper than just appearance and some vague personality similarities that have been practically obliterated by circumstances (though that can also be interesting if well done, of course).
One thing I say with some reluctance is that I want to remind you of something from early on... You made a big deal about how traumatized Yugi was about the "back room," something you haven't yet explained. I get the feeling that you've probably just forgotten about it, which is fine in one sense that it really doesn't seem needed anymore -- indeed, I almost can't think of how to fit it in -- but it was just so VERY important early on... Of course, do what you think is best for where your fic is now, but having read from start to finish in much shorter a time frame than that in which you wrote it, I noticed the lack of resolution to that acutely.
I feel like I should be able to write a lot more in this review, but all of my points seem to have flown out of my head, or to see insignificant. These three comments, though, are the ones I most wanted to convey. Perhaps by the next time I review, I'll be filled with new insights or rediscovered delights, and so get to ramble even more. In any case, however, I've really enjoyed reading this fanfic! I look forward to the seemingly fast-approaching ending, bitter-sweet though such a thing may be!
I remember once, years ago, one of my friends claimed she was going to be a record-setter and write the first lemon fanfic with plot ever. I don't think she ever succeeded -- at least not with her original idea for such a fic. Seems like you had no problem with that, though! And I really admire that you had no problem having no hentai in the past ten chapters. That's really cool. It's not that I don't like the smutty stuff, too -- if I didn't, I sure wouldn't be here, now would I? -- but if a fic isn't PWP, then I think it's a failing if it has to have porn in EVERY chapter. That you were willing to step back and let the story go where it wanted to go... I really admire that.
Another thing I admire is the characterizations you made. So often, when Yugi is cast as a prostitute, he's perfectly happy being like that. Then Yami comes along, they fall in love, and Yami convinces Yugi that being a prostitute is morally wrong and that there are better ways to live. That is, Yugi's living his life immorally, and Yami comes along and is his spiritual savior. That's completely opposite from how it is in the show. There, Yami is the physical protector, and Yugi is the spiritual savior. This fic keeps that most important part of their relationship from the series intact. My favorite example of this is the scene early on at the carnival. Yami wanted to beat up that customer for having hurt Yugi, but Yugi stops him because that just isn't the right thing to do. I really liked that. I think that's probably what I like best about this fic -- the relationship to the series is so much deeper than just appearance and some vague personality similarities that have been practically obliterated by circumstances (though that can also be interesting if well done, of course).
One thing I say with some reluctance is that I want to remind you of something from early on... You made a big deal about how traumatized Yugi was about the "back room," something you haven't yet explained. I get the feeling that you've probably just forgotten about it, which is fine in one sense that it really doesn't seem needed anymore -- indeed, I almost can't think of how to fit it in -- but it was just so VERY important early on... Of course, do what you think is best for where your fic is now, but having read from start to finish in much shorter a time frame than that in which you wrote it, I noticed the lack of resolution to that acutely.
I feel like I should be able to write a lot more in this review, but all of my points seem to have flown out of my head, or to see insignificant. These three comments, though, are the ones I most wanted to convey. Perhaps by the next time I review, I'll be filled with new insights or rediscovered delights, and so get to ramble even more. In any case, however, I've really enjoyed reading this fanfic! I look forward to the seemingly fast-approaching ending, bitter-sweet though such a thing may be!